Comments on: Gender/queerness and street harassment

By: Meg

Meg — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 21:23:19 +0000

I think this is a great post and it’s refreshing to hear this side of things. I would like to add though that the movie “War Zone” includes a queer woman as one of the 3(?) primary interviews so I’d like to give Hadleigh-West some credit where credit is due.
I personally have a somewhat androgynous look most of the time, I feel I look queer enough, but I got cat calls all the time over the summer, multiple times a day. My girlfirend at the time had a more butch appearence and although she got catcalls less often, it still happened, and also she had a whole different brand of street harassment that I never really faced (a man threw peanuts at her once, people staring and saying things behind her back, etc.). Once we had a man ask HER if he could fuck ME… talk about heteronormativity and homophobia.

But as for how I responded? I made copies of Ilana Granite’s feminist road sign that had a silouette of a man pulling back on a leash with a man/dog creature on the other end that said, “Curb your animal instinct” in english and spanish and hung them all around my town. I was actually whistled at WHILE I was putting them up, so I don’t know how much of an impact it made but it made me feel better.

By: Jack

Jack — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:01:15 +0000

I haven’t been good at keeping up with comments on older posts like this one, but I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing their opinions and experiences here. Even if I don’t get to respond, I do read them, think on them, and appreciate them.

@Shev: glad you like the blog!

By: Shev

Shev — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:29:24 +0000

First of all, I just want to say that I think your blog rocks.

Secondly, I was really interested in this post. Street harassment is something that nearly all of us face or have faced on a regular basis. I’ve discussed it with my partner, and it intrigues me how our experiences of it differ. My lover (a genderqueer butch called Jack - go figure =0) ) experiences it as continual questioning of hir gender, aggressive behaviour (ze’s only wee - about 5′1), and very occasionally, as men trying to assert dominance by very specifically placing hir as being gendered female. This is possibly the most interesting/upsetting response, as it shows that they recognise hir as gender-non-conformant, but that as this is obviously unacceptable, gendering hir female and exerting sexual power is the most efficient way of reinforcing hetero-male dominance.

I, as a femme, undergo the usual female experience of shouting, hooting, occasional grabbing etc. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary. If I don’t feel physically threatened, I’ll call them on it, every time. I will not let them impose that on me without some attempt at dialogue.

Once we were walking down the street together (on this occasion, I was all dragged up for a special occasion, but still very recognisably female - equally cursed and blessed with my chest =0) ), and some guys were walking towards us on a narrow pavement. We could see them eyeing us, and it was a question of what they were going to say, rather than if. What they actually did say was intriguing - they were as a group taking up the whole pavement (sidewalk for Americans, I guess), and it was a pretty busy road. One guy puffs out his chest and says really loudly “This is MY space” - basically telling me and Jack to step in the path of traffic. Obviously, I didn’t do this, and just walked straight into him, kinda hard. And he looked *hurt*. Like, hurt feelings hurt. And the whole episode was so telling, because all it really meant was that these guys expect public space to be reserved only for them, that women, gays, queers, ethnic minorities etc, and that we are to stick to the margins, and damnit, accept that and like it. So every time a guy yells at me, I remember that, and remember that this man thinks that the public space is *his* space - and that I am at best tolerated because of my decorative properties. Jack isn’t even accepted on those terms, which puts him in even greater danger, even though he’s so so unconfrontational. It doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I fully accept that I am probably putting myself in danger from some of these actions - but then I’m putting myself in danger for being who I am and loving who I love. I’m not reckless, but I can’t be anyone else.

By: Renee

Renee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:47:22 +0000

I am a very large breasted woman and it is not something that I can hide. Recently I got into a cab with my children and the driver preceded to stare at my breasts for the entire ride to our destination. Because I was in the presence of my children I was unable to tell him what I really thought about the situation. When I am on my own and such a think occurs I am quick to make some sarcastic comment meant to shame the ogler. It makes me feel angry and less than. The idea that this kind of attention could be considered complimentary is ridiculous. No one wants to be reduced to their fuckability. I am more than that. Men seem to think that they have this God given right to behave this way and it is assaultive behavior, we have just normalized it. I think that the next time I am out with my children I will release the vitriol on these perves…my kids can learn from example that women should not tolerate this shit and that it is not acceptable.

By: Heather

Heather — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:01:00 +0000

I think these girls have the right idea- although it is scary that some men have tried to hit them for being called out. I had a problem with one mechanic shop I had to walk by everyday when I lived in Mexico. One day, after receiving whistles and “mamacitas” every time I walked to the bus stop I decided to go into the store. I shamed them. I was calm but I said “Does your mother know that you do this to women? Is she proud of you? What if someone did this to you mother or sister everyday?” The men couldn’t even look at me- they just looked at the floor. It made me feel good. And I never heard a sound from the store again.

By: Kiah

Kiah — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 02:22:17 +0000

I am a female identified bisexual woman and tend to hate my attraction to men a little more each time I am jeered or cat called. As for my response, to be quite honest, I seethe. I can never seem to calm my anger long enough to say something like “it’s extremely inappropriate to speak to women that way, and you should stop immediately”. And then I feel like an ass afterward because I regret not saying anything.

By: Miss Green

Miss Green — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:15:27 +0000

my question is,
do men really think that doing something of that manner is okay?
when did it become socialy acceptable for men to treat women with utter disrespect? I don’t holler at men that i think are attractive. So why should they holler at us?
In my opinion the men that behave this way are stupid, insolet pigs, that care about nothing more than their own penis.
It pisses me off that there is no consiqunce for this kind of behavior. Just because a women is “hot” doesn’t mean she wants anything to do with anyone.
She is attractive, yeah so what. Everyone is attractive in their own way. But I don’t see men hollering at 85 year old men.
I’ve tried a little experiment though. I got together with pretty large group of women in my community, and we decided to go to the streets where the harassment is the worst.
We stood out there for 5 hours, hooting and hollering at the men that usually say things to us.
Some of them hollered back, with the same derogatory remarks they always make. But the majority didn’t know what to do. They just kind of stared at us. I don’t think men even understand how disrespectful that type of behavior is.
But, do parents really raise their children to behave this way? Men aren’t any better or worse than women, so maybe instead of ignoring their comments,we should all join together, and give em a taste of their own medicine.
Now be aware, in serveral situations in which i conducted this project things got a little out of hand.
When men realized we were hollering at them, they became very intrigued and quiet sexualy aggressive.
so be careful.

But, under no circumstance should this problem be ignored. We are women. We are strong.
Men are strong yeah, but hell I’d like to see them have a 9 pound baby come out from inbetween their legs. : D

By: Nigel

Nigel — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 14:16:15 +0000

I am a straight guy, but prefer to dress in bright colours, and probably come across as a bit queer / gay to some viewers. I work in a school, but not as a teacher.
I am regularly cat called by some students, and as you suggest, it is a way to exert dominance, to influence me and to control my actions. Unfortunately this is a significant part of the student environment, and something to which many mnay students are subjected on a regular basis. The crafty part is that they can often legitimately claim afterwards “I didn’t do anything. I just said I liked your yellow shirt today” There is no ‘crime’ worth reporting, and when you do say something, staff who have not experienced it, cannot understand what I could be offended by. This gives the harassers the license to keep on repeating the harassment, and by repetition making it personal.
It is not what is said. but the tone and the manner in which it is said which is offensive to me - I recognise the attempt to exert control, and as you again say - no response gives a satisfactory conclusion to the exchange.
There are responses I would LIKE to make. I cannot respond verbally as i would like to without risking my position, and I certainly can’t push the student’s face into a wall - much as I may want to. I also suspect that nothing less than drawing blood on half a dozen occasions would achieve the result I want - an end to the harassment.
For anyone who is the target of such harassment, it is humiliating, disempowering and depressing - It can really spoil an otherwise good day.
If anyone come up with a magic bullet to fire back I want to hear about it - and so does the rest of the world I think.

By: Annie

Annie — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:10:42 +0000

I love that you brought up this topic, the mainstream world does not realize that those of us with “alternative” sexualities get street harassment as much, if not more than heterosexuals. As a bisexual, I tend to get it from all angles, being pretty open about my sexuality on the college campus I’m on I get comments ranging from random men wondering if they can watch me with another woman, to homosexuals who don’t like the fact that i date men and women so I must be a slut wanting all that i can get! I get catcalls from random men in grocery stores and wal-mart I’m like, come on can’t i do my shopping with out being harassed? I’ve gotten pretty used to the comments and most of the time attempt to get the person to talk with me about why they made the comments and ‘educate’ them about my lifestyle, but it is still hard to believe that there are some homosexuals who will catcall negative remarks to a bisexual woman…

By: Lane

Lane — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:39:57 +0000

I used to walk to the park. I would get hollered at from passing cars at least once a block. It was horrendous! I actually quit walking to the park. It felt awful to have to choose between being harassed for over a mile or just not getting to the park. I’ve moved and now only get hollered at once or twice on my mile or more walks. But it still feels awful. I want to hide in a hoody so they can’t tell I’m female. Totally sucks! I get pretty irritated with it. I think people do enjoy the power of throwing you off step. I completely ignore them. Don’t even look in their direction.

I’d like to 2nd that some guys feel threatened by women on their turf. I’ve worked in mostly male dominated fields and when I didn’t play the part of the woman some of the men would get very threatened. I think it was the same kind of guy that would cat call at a confident woman on the street. I’m guessing he only feels like a man if he’s holding someone else down. Uggg!