Comments on: You know it’s hard out here for a West Point girlfriend…

By: Christine

Christine — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 12:55:20 +0000

First thing I would like to clarify is: My boyfriend is a cadet at USMA.
But the site is silly, I agree. My life-long, or even short-term, friends are not going to be with girls that are girlfriend’s of other cadets. That’s just silly. And no, there is no need for a “support group.” I made this decision because of my feelings for my boyfriend. We are both confident in each other, and reach out to one another (not strangers or members of a website) during tough times. We make it work on our own.
But while you may assume that all of the site members are snotty and high class or whatever you’d like, do not make that assumption about every girlfriend of a cadet. I am not like that at all. I am one of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. I NEVER spend money recklessly. I am actually attending college on full financial aid support (which means I will be paying it back after graduation) and intend to have a career in the FBI or DEA. And as for the loan they recieve their Cow year (3rd/Junior), my boyfriend plans to invest the entire loan. Which is smart. He is not going to spend it all, or buy a new car, or anything silly.
I’m just asking you to not assume that all the girls are dumb, gold-digging, fake, and snotty. Its not fair to those of us out there who are anything but that (like me).

And to whoever posted saying, “try being an enlisted wife, or a female enlisted soldier,” well — that’s not what I want to do. I, personally, do not want to serve in the Army. But I support those who do, its a tough life, and a huge committment, to say the least. But my boyfriend tells me all the time how much having me in his life helps him, every single day. And that’s what is important here. The impact we have on them. And to that same person, your comment on infidelity was just silly. There is no need to spark suspicion in anyone. I, for one, am confident in him as well as myself, and never even think about it. Its called trust. And its also called LOVE. Its silly for any girl to worry constantly about her boyfriend — that makes for a highly unhealthy relationship.

That being said, its very late. Or, early, rather. And I apologize if my thoughts were scattered, but I just wanted to put it out there that I am a very loyal, loving, and FRIENDLY girlfriend who is driven, and who will be successful in life. Our plan is to live life averagely, and retire happily with enough saved up money to do so.

Just please don’t cluster us together and judge all of us as a whole. Just remember there are some out there who don’t fit your mold, and be kind enough to not include us.

P.S. I have noticed some girls who fit your assumptions completely, but that doesn’t justify your clumping!! =)

By: mmjd

mmjd — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:52:41 +0000

Damn, this made me mad. Who the hell gave you the right to insult these women? What the hell is their offense? Not being lesbian? Caring about something greater than themselves?

You are the most intolerant person ive ever heard of!

When a bunch of women write a website of common interest to themselves, you mock them for being “heteronormative,” just because, like 90% of us the happen to be heterosexual.

When a young person volunteers to spend nine years of his/her life studying and serving in the military, you mock them for being “insane” due to high doses of “patriotism” and “heteronormativity” (there it is again)

This is what psychologists call projection. You think that normal people are intolerant of you, when in fact, you are simply projecting your intolerance onto them.

Shame on you. You want that 30,000 dollars? I’ll give it to you. All you have to do is spend nine long, hard years studying, excercising, getting yelled at, getting shot at, and getting made fun of by me for being “patriotic” and “heteronormative” while I sit on my fat ass and run my mouth. You wouldnt be able to do it.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 20:29:46 +0000

When I was in college, the love of my life, my first love, my, at the time, everything, was a Cadet at USMA. He was and probably still is an arrogant SOB, but getting on, I came across that site and attempted to join. The guy I was seeing and sort of engaged to at the time was giving me a hard time and I wanted to join for the camaraderie with girls in the same situation. They did not let me in the group because I refused to divulge my ex’s last name or contact information. I didn’t want anyone knowing who I was dating and I didn’t want him possibly being in a weird situation. I was pretty pissed and totally appalled that the group could have such policies when all I wanted was some people to talk to. The girls, at the time, were not very nice to me. I can remember getting some not very nice emails from them when I attempted to explain my situation. I joined another group for gf’s of cadets, attempted to start my own website, only to have my ex break up with me because I asked my friend who attended the academy whom my ex did not like, for my ex’s room phone number. He hadn’t given it to me yet (it was the start of a semester). Well, until about two years ago my ex and I went back and fourth with arguing and trying to work things out, with my pouring out my heart and him pouring out lies and bs, albeit in a weird way, before I decided to walk away from the situation. The girls do not need the website. Follow your heart and what your head tells you to do. I am NOT against the military, in fact, I am a huge supporter of it. I love what our soldiers have done for the country and I am proud to be an American. Just do not sugarcoat what dating a cadet is, that is all I am asking.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 17:09:25 +0000

A few months ago, I started talking with a USMA cadet online. It was pretty harmless and since we met on Yahoo, I just didn’t think we’d ever meet. We live about 45 minutes from each other so it wasn’t a matter of distance, it’s just a matter of lifestyles.

Well, after about a month of chatting online, he out of the blue asked if he could take me to dinner. I was a bit skeptical but I went out with him. He was the best company I’ve had in a long time despite the fact we’re polar opposites of each other. I’m a New Yorker born and bred, liberal, you know the rest. He’s from Virginia, a staunch republican, catholic. I’ve never been someone who let differences in opinion get in the way of a good friendship.

We went out on a few dates, then he had to go home for the summer, leaving me in New York completely miserable because I missed his company so much. I was so sad that I didn’t get more time with him before the summer started. He was in Virginia, then Ft. Benning for Airborne School then Korea.

I’ve never felt such intense, strong feelings for someone. You don’t have to have everything in common to form a connection.

Now, we’re not dating and he’s kind of leaving me in limbo as far as what he’s feeling. He’s so incredibly busy with plebe training, classes, and whatever the hell else he does down there.

I just felt like I needed to post something about this because I think that any young person that goes to West Point deserves the most utmost respect. They have chosen to forego all opportunities for partying like a “normal” college student and instead have essentially signed their lives away to their country. Although I’m disappointed in the situation I’m in, sad that I’m lonely because I can’t seem to get this guy off my mind I’m also willing to let him be because he made a commitment to the Army long before he met me and I can’t ask him to sign his life away to me too.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 23:34:40 +0000

I know the first post was over a year ago, but like everyone else I had to add my two cents. I read a lot of posts from “USMA Girlfriends” (I’ll explain the quotes in a moment) and from girls who have not dated a cadet/midshipman from any of the Service Academies, but none from my point of view. A little background first. I met my husband while I was in graduate school in White Plains, NY. We were both attending a bible study group at West Point (a long story that I will not get into). I had the unique experience of interacting with the cadets, officers and officer’s wives during that time and I learned a lot about the cadet life, life as an Army wife and the life as a girlfriend of a cadet. I was a girlfriend of a West Point cadet (and now a wife of a West Point Grad), but please do NOT call me a “USMA girlfriend”.
First. I agree with the “USMA girlfriends” that life dating an Academy cadet is not like dating any other college guy or like any other long distance relationship. The first two years at the Academy a cadet’s leave is restricted; you do not get to see them all that often. Even if he can take weekend leave, he cannot leave until after his Friday commitments (usually around 4 pm) and must be back by taps on Sunday (11 pm for 2nd and 1st classmen) so you may get lucky and see you boyfriend on 3 day weekends. That does not even begin to go into the fact that their Thanksgiving leave is from Thursday – Sunday, winter leave is 2 weeks, spring leave is 10 days and summer vacations are 30 days (maybe). You cannot hold their hands or show any other PDA and cannot share the same flat surface (ie you cannot sit next to him on a park bench) when the cadet is in uniform. You usually cannot go into the barracks and on the rare occasion that you can, the door must remain open and, again, you cannot share the same flat surface. The cadets have little down time and lights must be turned off by midnight. An Academy girlfriend must also be on her best behavior or the cadet may find himself walking hours for something SHE did! Most relationships do not have to deal with these and other quirky rules that USMA, USNA, USAFA, Merchant Marine Academy and Cost Guard Academy girlfriends have to deal with. This is just the beginning as life as an Army wife is not easy with the separations (my husband left for training in OK 4 days after we got back from the honeymoon and I am here in FL) and the knowledge that your husband may soon deploy to a hostile zone among other things.
I also agree that it is not fair to judge all Academy girlfriends the same. I am not white and I have as MS in Microbiology. There are many others like me who do have a brain and do use them. I am independent yet kind and caring and many have told me that I am so. I am married to an Army officer, but I am a liberal. I support my husband 100%, but I do not agree with the war and have no problem telling anyone this.
All that being said, during the time I spent at West Point and the time I dated my husband while he was at West Point (a total of 4 years), I ran into a number of members of the “USMA girlfriends” and I agree with Samantha above, MOST were just plain snotty. “USMA girlfriends” is not a “support group” for girls dealing with the stress of dating a USMA cadet; please. Dispite some of the useful tips the site does provide, sorry Mandy, but it is a sorority of girls who think they are the elite among all girlfriends because they date a USMA cadet (thus you are not a member because you seem like a normal person). A society whose identity is based on the guy you are dating; gag. Dating a cadet is not the ONLY requirement for being a member. I’d love to tell you what all the requirements are, but I and many others I know were turned down from the group. Now I have to admit, I only tried to apply because a bunch of my friends (female cadets) wanted to “infiltrate” the group and were unsuccessful because “USMA Girlfriends” found out they were all cadets. One of the female cadets was even dating another cadet so you would think that would qualify her. They figured I might have a chance because I was not a cadet; no luck. I digress, more about who the “USMA girlfriends” really are.
During the many formal balls the Academy holds, “USMA girlfriends” can be spotted wearing designer dresses in small groups in the corner of the dance floor, in or just outside the ladies’ room. Easy drop on their conversations (hard not to as loud as they talk) and you’ll hear them talking about the poor cadet whose girlfriend clearly got her dress from Sears and how they need to hook him up with a more “classy” girl or the female cadet who must be a dyke because no NORMAL girl would want to go to West Point. They throw around terms like Firstie and Buckner as if they really know what it was like to be a Firstie or go through Buckner (do not ask me because I do not know). But alas, they are “USMA girlfriends” and thus are the most prestigious of all girlfriends.
It continues, like Samantha pointed out, after they get married and I am sure she is not far off. I would disagree that the West Point graduates cheat more frequently then the normal population, though. The “USMA girlfriends” website, that looks like it is down now, talks only about the cool stuff that are a part of the cadet life. Nothing about having guard duty from 10 pm to 10 am and still being expected to go to class after you get off, a summer vacation that is only 30 days long, having to go to class sick, etc. And the $32K is paid back by automatic withdrawals of about $500 a month over the first 5 years as an officer.
Yes, Academy girlfriends are of a variety like all other college girlfriends, but the “USMA girlfriends” of the website are what everyone says they are and when someone points them out, the bite back, thus the volley of insults thrown (not that two wrongs make a right). The original blogger was not to far off on her original thought about the “USMA girlfriends”, She just expanded her thought to include EVERYONE who dates and has dated a West Point cadet. If the “USMA girlfriends” do not include all West Point girlfriends it would not be fair to use them to describe all West Point girlfriends.

By: Grace

Grace — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:11:52 +0000

Wow, this was written over a year ago but I thought I would add something.

There are little bits of what everyone has said that make sense. Yes, I am also the girlfriend of a USMA cadet. Obviously it is very difficult but only slightly more than any other long distance relationship. It IS incredibly hard for them going to school there, but that has nothing to do with this blog.

I am also a very liberal person but I still completely support my boyfriend’s views and what he is doing for the country. Even though I don’t agree with war, that doesn’t mean I think what he’s doing is wrong.

The only thing that really bothered me is how much you all have been stereotyping West Point girlfriends. They are most certainly not all white, and definitley not all racist. I have met girls from every race. I am white myself, but my boyfriend is Korean, and many of the other girls are in interracial relationships too. And almost all of the girls I have met are planning on having a career, including myself. Just because your boyfriend is a cadet or in the army you do not have to put your life on hold.

By: Mandy

Mandy — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 06:52:46 +0000

As a USMA girlfriend, I am neither offended or encouraged, I am simply amused. I can understand someone, with little knowledge of the web site’s true intentions, ridiculing the site. It seems a bit absurd to be dealing out advice on where to get your hair done, how to properly address a letter, or how to be patient when waiting for the phone to ring. I can also understand how some of these girls would be offended. Personally, I am not a member of the group but I have seen the website and found some of it’s information helpful. For example, my boyfriend’s birthday happens to be the day after classes begin this year. Never a fun thing. However, with the help of the website, I was able to find a site that will deliver a fun birthday gift right to his door. Yes, it is a bit goofy but I know it will bring a smile to his face.
I also find the comments about, shall we say, “talent”, amusing. West Point cadets go through many extremes. Not only are they required to be academically advanced but they are also required to train to become the best military officers they can possibly be. This requires strength and endurance of both the mind and body. Let’s put it this way, you do not see any comments from USMA cadets on this blog because they are simply too damn busy trying to study, train, and squeeze in any personal time if possible.
Now as for their girlfriends; USMA girlfriends come in a range of varieties. Some are “preppy white girls”, some are “minorities” and some are just too in love with their man to care about petty titles. Most of these women, I do believe, however, deserve respect. It takes a lot of emotional strength to make any relationship work but I can honestly say, it takes much more to make a USMA relationship work. While trying to earn an education or land a job, because let’s face it, most of these women are trying to do so (even if some may eventually become “housewives”), they are also fighting to keep their relationships afloat. It is not easy to communicate long distance or to miss your significant other so much that it physically hurts or to even feel guilty for having such emotions because you know that your boyfriend is enduring much more difficult circumstances. These women are loyal and committed; qualities any man would want their woman to possess, military or not.
Lastly, I am somewhat amazed at the lack of maturity that has gone in to composing the above comments. I understand how someone could be confused by such a website if they were unsure of it’s true intentions, which are both humble and modest, not, so to speak, to create an adult sorority of “snobbish” women. I can also understand the frustration of the women who are being criticized for being supportive of their men. Honestly, we all, myself included, need to take a step back and try to understand the other’s side of the story. Only then, should we make a comment while trying to avoid bitterness and hostility. It would be unfair to accuse a woman of being unintelligent for sticking by her man, a blogger of being a liberal fool or anybody of being jealous that someone is just in a better situation. Think before you type.

By: Care

Care — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 05:30:49 +0000

I am a 16 year old high school jr. My boyfriend (my best friend) just left a few weeks ago for cadet basic training. My boyfriends mom told me about the usma girlfriends website and i was overjoyed to find this community of people who went through this experience. All of their advice is so helpful and thoughtful. The girls who created that site that you are bashing are just trying to help others. These first 3 weeks of my bf being gone have been some of the most lonely and difficult times of my life. Finding people who know how im feeling is such a relief. ANYWAY… i found some of the things that you said about these amazing, strong, smart women and their WP cadets extremely offensive. To say that WP is not that intense…ya because having 90 seconds to say goodbye to all of your loved ones, 3 calls home all summer, and you know not to mention an 18 year old giving up 9 years of their lives to OUR country. My boyfriend and I were not raised in military families in my high school most kids end up partying at pitt or psu. My boyfriend had scholorship opportunities from numerous ivy league universities. He could have easily chosen an safe route to being successful and enjoying collage like most kids. But the man I LOVE chose to give up his opportunities for partying and a normal collage experience to serve OUR country. The United States of America is as strong and safe as it is today because of men and women who give up their freedom to fight for yours. If it weren’t for people like my bf think how your life could be different. Would you even be allowed to write this blog. I respect your opinion but in return i think you should show some respect of our men and women at usma and the people who support them.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 22:57:26 +0000

I just happened on this blog, and thought it would be nice to put in a perspective on USMA wives from a female Army officer.

I hate to sound negative here, but I truly thought that about 90% of the USMA wives I met were some of the snottiest girls I’ve ever seen in my life. They mostly are sorority girls, and getting married to a West Point man is the ultimate success of their lives. I even had one tell me that point-blank, after about 4 glasses of wine loosened her tongue.

One thing that surprised me about them was the way they seemed to form some sort of new adult sorority after getting the ring on their finger. And as we all know, sororities are very rarely nice.

Their main focus in life seemed to be getting up around 9 AM (unless they had kids), doing their hair and make-up, walking/driving over to the AAFES shopping mall around 11 AM with 2-3 fellow USMA wives in tow, and then home by 5 PM to cook up a cute little dinner for their Army man.

While the current Iraq war makes things a lot more difficult for them (and for all military wives), they’ve still got a damn good lifestyle deal. And if there is any USMA girlfriend reading this who resents hearing this - try being an enlisted wife, or a female enlisted soldier, and then come back and tell me what you think.

I kind of view these girls as holdovers from the 1950s. If you think about it, the Army is one of the very few places left in America for a wife to actually get to play the perfect Donna Reed housewife, and get absolute institutional support for that role - so long as they play it right (no excessive whining, no excessive weight gain, etc.)

Another thing that surprised me about them was their blatant racism. To be fair, not all are like that, but after 6 years of active duty time, I’m more than a little tired of the snotty attitudes I get, which I know are primarily based on race (no, I’m not white).

I actually once got an apology from a USMA guy (who was married to one of the most racist chicks I have ever encountered - and of course who had never worked a day in her life) one evening during a field exercise, for something that his wife had said to me the previous month. His explanation was that she (as are many USMA wives) was from a small town in the South, and so she didn’t like interacting with people who weren’t white because her parents didn’t like those types.

There were a couple of USMA wives that I’ve run into who were really nice, but that truly has been the exception, not the norm. My impression is that the nice ones are the ones who are a) minorities, b) came from poorer families, or c) just got the good genes. Back in the day, being an Army wife was a career, and being married to a USMA man meant that you were one-up on all other wives who weren’t. That snotty attitude persists quite strongly today, let me tell you.

As far as jobs for these girls go - to be fair, it is hard for any Army wife to have a solid career, unless she is in the military herself. The frequent moves every 2-3 years make it really difficult.

But anyway, on a final note - since I didn’t expect to blog this long - if you are going to be a USMA wife, here’s some advice: keep an eye on your man, and expect that there is a good chance he’ll be cheating on you. Infidelity rates are pretty high in the Army, but I’ve found that the worst offenders usually are USMA men - primarily because they didn’t get to act out a fraternity lifestyle while they were at West Point.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:48:06 +0000

I am a part of this USMA girlfriends group, and I just want to say that you have the right to say what you wish, but you will never fully understand the purpose of this group until you have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband in the military or at USMA. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, and we both just finished our first year of college. He decided to go to a Military JuCo in order to prepare himself for WestPoint this past year. So far, I haven’t experienced West Point, but I know that I have a lot of questions about what things are going to be like for my boyfriend and for myself that I would rather have answered by the “preppy girls” who have had to experience it than by an outsider who has no idea. This group is not about what to wear, where to get your hair done for dances, or silly things like that… that’s just girl talk that happens to be amongst girls that have become close friends because of this group. All I know is that I would rather talk to other girls going through the same thing as me than to my friends who go to the same school as their boyfriends who will never understand.
So before judging these girls, you might want to really look into it, or try dating a West Point cadet.
Oh and p.s., I have two uncles that are in the military, and their wives are both intelligent, working women. I am working on my degree in Journalism and Mass Communications and a second major in History, and I have no plans on becoming “just a housewife”…which by the way entails a lot more than you think.